


Boys on Film

by actonbell



Series: Avengers, Assembled [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Films, Fluff, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5149580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actonbell/pseuds/actonbell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The women of Marvel have an impromptu snapshot contest. The men of Marvel are not the prize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys on Film

_You know, Steve, I can_ always _just pick the lock,_ Natasha had said when he'd held out the little silver key to her like some kind of offering, looking down and back up: _Got something for ya...._ He'd just smiled that little shy smile and said _Yeah, but you don't have to._

Natasha got what he meant, but still didn't really see the _point,_ but what mattered was she didn't want to pick the lock to Bucky's nerves along with the door's so she usually made as much noise as possible getting the damn key in and scratching it around. Even if it did wound her pride a little. He was already looking in her direction when she came into the living room, but the other guys on the sofa -- Steve in the middle, his arms draped around Sam and Bucky on either side like usual, Clint perched half on the arm with one foot braced on the floor -- were so intent on trash-talking the Mets game onscreen she could've blown her way in with plastique. It was such a pretty picture: they were all wearing tank tops, even Bucky, except Sam, who wore a huge billowy cut-down T-shirt that might have been an old one of Steve's, the sides hung so loosely. 

Natasha said "Nobody move," and knelt down beside the big TV at just the right angle. Some of them groaned, but they all went along with it. Clint pointed finger guns at her, Steve squeezed Sam's and Bucky's shoulders and grinned hugely, Bucky stared solemnly at the camera with just the hint of a pout. _"Per_ fect." Nat attached the photo to a text message that said _WINNING_ and sent it to Maria and Pepper, including Betty and Jane at the last minute for the hell of it, although they were probably both working. (No matter what time or day it was, it was always just easier if you assumed the default for them -- and Bruce -- was "in the lab, working, has been for hours and probably needs a cup of coffee and a sandwich.") Darcy usually answered Jane's phone, anyway. 

The responses were immediate, ranging from _ffs nat tag yr porn_ to _That's my girl!_ and a blazing stream of profanities from Maria, who was apparently trapped in a meeting with an all-white all-male all-not-half-dressed group of non-hot guys. _It hurts not to be me,_ Natasha tapped out, smirking, then got up to see who had brought what beer. 

While she was sipping a Red Stripe (Sam's) and debating whether or not to pour Clint's Heineken down the sink and put the empty recapped bottles back in the fridge, Darcy messaged her: _game on._ Immediately after that Nat got a picture of her own. Tony and Bruce were in front of an Iron Man suit, both shirtless. Tony was flexing dramatically, his hair wild, while Bruce looked on with comic resignation. Pepper and Betty were making _aww-yeah_ faces next to them. Natasha was most impressed that Pepper had actually gotten Betty out of the lab somehow. _in it to win it,_ Darcy said. Maria typed, _You're trying to make me cry well I DON'T DO THAT._ Natasha marched back into the living room. 

"Dammit, we've gotta escalate. Take off your shirts." 

They all just stared at her, Clint and Bucky equally wary and Steve hilariously taken aback, and she sighed. "We're trying to make Hill cry. But I understand if you think you can't match up to Tony _and_ Bruce...." She held up her phone, showing them the picture. 

"Oh no you didn't," Clint snapped and tore his tank off so fast Natasha thought she heard it rip. Steve reluctantly pulled his over his head and dropped it in his lap, Sam jibing _"Oh_ yeah, cut the check, look at the pecs" and in retaliation Steve grabbed at his T-shirt's collar. "You heard the lady, come on -- " Bucky looked away for a moment, then took his shirt off too, but tucked his arm back behind a cushion. Clint laid his head on Bucky's shoulder, further blocking the shine of the metal. Bucky hooked one leg over Steve's and Sam instantly did the same on the other side, making Steve flush. "Perfect _perfect_ don't move, we got this," Natasha cheered, firing off several shots. She scanned the results for a moment, then sent the best to Maria, Jane, Darcy, Betty and Pepper. 

"Well? _Well?"_ "Did we win? We won, right?" "Clint, give me back my goddamn shirt -- " "No, shit, cold METAL does not go THERE!" from the couch. 

Natasha smirked at the little screen, waiting, but then her expression changed instantly to disappointed disgust and she let out a string of multilingual curses Clint hadn't heard her rap out that fast since Budapest. "What is it?" he asked with great mock sincerity. "Did Maria _die?_ Pepper's gonna be mad if you killed her spa day buddy." 

Natasha looked like she wanted to throw her phone, but it was an encrypted prototype Tony had made for her with a self-destruct chip in its glossy black casing, so she aimed a half-hearted swing at the air instead. "Fucking Jane fucking won." Well, Darcy had probably been evil masterminding in the bedroom with detailed instructions and a, "No, trust me, this will WIN THIS SHIT SO HARD," but she'd make Jane take the win. 

There was an immediate chorus of disapproval -- _aww hell no, against all_ this? and _Outrageous!_ from Steve, and Clint demanded, "What, what was it?" 

"You guys really wanna see? The Asgardian pulchritude that mere made-in-America manflesh had no chance against?" 

A roaring clamor of "YES"'s. 

"You asked for it." Natasha leaned over the coffee table and fiddled with Steve's laptop for a second, then aimed her phone at the wireless port and a few seconds later a giant, full-colour, extremely high-def image of Thor was on the television screen in place of the game. He was posed proudly in front of a large, carefully rumpled bed, hair loose and swept back, cape flying out behind him (a fan was barely visible at one edge of the photo), 'wearing' nothing but a very large, very artfully placed hammer. 

("I did not fucking scream," Sam said with attempted dignity a few minutes later. "You _all_ screamed," Natasha corrected. "It's okay, buddy, we all screamed," Clint said with fake reassurance. "Bucky didn't scream," Steve said ruefully. "I was screaming on the inside.") 

Natasha ignored the outraged squawking from the sofa and rapidly typed _You broke them, bitch. Now I have to get new ones._ Pepper said, _What about a calendar with proceeds split between charities of their individual choices?_ because she used her REM cycles to plan how to take over the world, and Maria said _What's your price, Jane?_

Darcy must have handed over the phone, because the answer was a long time coming. If anyone could type shyly, Jane did. After a little pause Natasha saw: _Girls-only movie night some time? Bring your favourite? Mine's Contact._

_Aliens,_ said Maria. _His Girl Friday_ was Pepper. Natasha hesitated, trying to choose between a movie from one of her covers that might fit her own tastes, and figuring out what her favourite movie _was_ on the spot like this. The howls of manpain kept distracting her. "You all are such _babies,"_ she snapped, "it's not like you ever had to walk into a garage to get your car fixed and came tits-to-face with a wall full of centerfolds." Betty waffled for a while _(12 Monkeys, Contagion, Madame Curie, Gorillas in the Mist)_ and then chose _Jurassic Park._

_gonna punk you all,_ Darcy gloated. _no guessing._ Natasha grinned.

_Natasha, what's yours?_ Maria asked. 

Natasha bit her lip and typed carefully, leaning against the wall, _Need a little time to figure out which one. I'll tell you soon._

_Next Saturday at eight? JARVIS says we're all free then,_ Pepper said. 

_It'll take me that long to get these babies to quit wailing._ This produced an immediate chorus of suggestions, from _Try a rattle_ on downwards, Maria's being the most obscene -- so Natasha typed _I hate you all :-)_ and started to turn off the phone, when she saw one more message, from Steve. She already knew what it would say, because texting someone in the same room was one of those modern alienating habits Steve Disapproved of, so if he did....She opened it, smiling at him. 

_Can you send a copy of the last picture to me and Bucky?_

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't quite sure how to tag this, especially since it's so painfully gen despite being a big love pile. I finally went for the major relationships and everyone who had a speaking/texting part.
> 
> The title is a genderflipped version of Duran Duran's once-notorious song, "Girls on Film." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCjMZMxNr-0


End file.
